I took some of my favorite quotes from my interview with Adele Faber and put them on SoundCloud. She’s really amazing. Such great advice. A neighbor recently asked me for a recommendation on a parenting book and I had to say to her, “If you only read one book on parenting…” it really does have to be How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk
That’s why I went back over our interview and pulled out the audio quotes you’ll hear below. If you’re a parent or you work with kids, this is THE book to get. Just listen:
Michael
April 30, 2012Kathy. Glad you found the podcast. "How to talk.." is such a great book. I've got other interviews on the podcast as well. Click on the Parenting tag or search for Green and/or Ablon.
Kathy
April 30, 2012Thanks for this interview. I just recently found your show on itunes & this is the first episode I listened to. Love this author. I read "How to Talk…" many years ago. I am happy to hear about the support groups, even though there isn't one in my state yet.
Kevin
April 30, 2012I watched that and thoroughly enjoyed it. I think the teacher in the speech made the point I was trying to make, only maybe with a little more eloquence.
Michael
April 30, 2012Kevin and others: I think you’ll find this “commencement speech” quite interesting. I did. It’s called ‘You’re Not Special”: http://www.bostonherald.com/news/regional/view.bg?articleid=1061137286
cotour
April 30, 2012LOL @ KEVIN!!! WOW YOU HAVE MADE GREAT POINTS INDEED!!
Michael
April 30, 2012Already started putting a few thoughts down on paper (well, digital paper) 🙂
Kevin
April 30, 2012Thanks, and I’d love to see the show on “what I don’t like about psychology” if you did decide to make it.
Michael
April 30, 2012Thanks Kevin. Sounds like your parents had very mixed parenting styles (not uncommon).
Psychology is a weird field for sure. Though, I should add, one could argue that the human mind is really complex. Psychologists can differ greatly on what they feel is the most important factor in making us who we are and that’s frustrating, but we are also influenced by so many factors too.
When I think about all this I try to hold onto the belief that our field has uncovered some really interesting insights into why we do what we do even though it’s a pretty “soft” science. Parenting (and it’s effect – or not- on us) is, for sure, one of the most complex topics.
Kevin
April 30, 2012Those are some interesting points. I’m sure I have an entirely different perspective on this because of a multitude of my experiences. One experience was being raised by a very critical father who is a hard nosed Vietnam war veteran/special forces operative during that war. In addition, I have a very compassionate mother that raised me and showed me a different way as well. I really liked your points about praising for making efforts that are controllable variables. I actually do have a mixture of experiences with people in the psychology profession as well. Some of them have been phenomenal and some have been subpar. Anyway, thanks for opening my mind a little.
Michael
April 30, 2012I understand your concern about the self-esteem movement. In fact, I talked about it in this episode:
https://thepsychfiles.com/2007/03/episode-9-how-do-you-really-raise-self-esteem/
I think you’re generalizing too much, hanging around the wrong people or have had some bad experiences with people in the psychology field. I’ve been meaning to do an episode on something like, “The things I dislike about psychology” and maybe you’ve inspired me to do so.
However, we weren’t all raised the same way so you have to be careful about thinking that the self-esteem movement *caused* a lot of people to be conceited or sociopathic. There are plenty of careful thinking, mature young people today who were raised with many of Faber’s ideas – you just don’t hear about these kids in the news.
Listen to the whole interview with Faber and I think you’ll see that she’s not advocating rewarding kids for doing things they should be expected to do anyway:
Part 1:
https://thepsychfiles.com/2010/11/episode-135-adele-faber-interview-on-parenting-part-1/
Part 2:
https://thepsychfiles.com/2010/11/episode-136-adele-faber-interview-on-parenting-part-2/
She’s a remarkable, thoughtful person.
Kevin
April 30, 2012I’m trying to wrap my head around this. I know so many people from my generation that were raised like this and they all seem to have turned out to be extremely conceited. It is a virtual plague in America caused by this self esteem movement. From what I’ve read, people with extremely high self esteem seem to be sociopaths. Sociopaths think highly of themselves. I know so many complainers raised in my generation that were raised so conceited that they can not stand up with courage for what is right or for justice. Instead, they are concerned with their self centered feelings and lose the grasp of humanity that should be taught within them.
Michael
April 30, 2012Naturally, I completely disagree Kevin. Children need guidance, they need rules and consistency. But they also need to learn to problem solve and they need their feelings acknowledged as Ms. Faber says.
As she also said, the world is complex – we need people who respect themselves, respect others and who can think for themselves. We’ll only get that by giving them the opportunity to think for themselves.
Kevin
April 30, 2012This is psycho babble. Every child is clearly not special. They’re incomplete work, just like George Carlin said. They need disciple not this spoiled brat garbage. That’s why they grow up with huge egos in this country because no one teaches them how the world really is until their boss tells them their a loser at the age of 25. Then they go through a mid 20’s crisis and have to go to a shrink.